| Flashback |
[13 Jan 2008|05:07pm] |
I had the weirdest recollection at work today. As I was serving a ginger ale to one of my customers, it hit me. I distinctly remember that when I was a little girl, I thought only airplanes served ginger ale and that you couldn't get it anywhere else.
Apparently, we just never kept it around the house when I was young, and so it was always a special occasion when we got to fly and have ginger ale, because, to my young mind, the airplane was the ONLY PLACE IN THE WORLD that had it.
Because of this, I have always thought of ginger ale as a "treat". Even when I began drinking alcohol, it took me a number of years to start using it as a mixer, because usually it was thought of as a "special occasion" kind of beverage for me. And to this day, I still think it's just too cool that they came up with a soda from an herb. I mean, hell, Basil ale might be nasty, but ginger ale ... ginger ale works man.
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| Take two ... |
[07 Jan 2008|08:19pm] |
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music |
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Sock Monkey Lecture |
] |
I feel much better today. I've been productive and organized and all around nice to myself mentally and physically. And I didn't even shop. Shocking.
The semester is starting out well, in fact. So far, classes are interesting. Even the one I'm sitting in now. Admittedly, not interesting enough to keep me from blogging at the moment, but I pick my battles these days. Besides, the professor has a lisp and looks like a sock monkey. And that's super distracting.
There's a lot coming up for me this semester. I know I can handle it, but I always worry about spreading myself too thin. I was approached today about taking a leadership position in one of my extra-curriculars that would be a relatively big time commitment. I would love to do it, but I have some decisions to make. I'm not just looking to pad my resume anymore, I need to make smart choices on activities that will help me down the line.
So here we go. Diving in.
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| Reflection. |
[22 Apr 2007|10:44pm] |
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music |
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Love You More - Heather Duby & Elemental |
] |
I had a very, very long conversation with a new friend the other day where I re-hashed the entire experience of my first relationship. It had been a long time since I told the whole story to anyone, and as my new friend is the kind of person who revels in detail (he's a self-proclaimed fact-gatherer) I purposely got into all of the little details of the shitstorm that was that experience.
I'd forgotten how much I went through then. Stepping away from it now, having perspective and distance from it, and seeing the reaction of my friend to all of the minutae of the situation made me realize how important that part of my life was. It literally made me into the person I am now. Molded by fire? Yes. Deconstruction at its most impressive? Absolutely. Worth it? Without question.
That's kind of how I feel about law school. Not that law school is anywhere NEAR as negative. Not even close. But the experience of it, the doing and learning from it is molding me in ways that I will probably not fully understand for a number of years.
Kinda cool, I think.
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| Laaaaaawwwwwww Schoooooollllllllll .... woo. |
[11 Apr 2007|01:39pm] |
Working + law school second semester wrapping up = stressssssssss.
Why did I do this? Because I know that the job will be worth it come summertime, but for right now it's just acting as a huge stressor that I don't really need. I guess in a way it will make me focus all the more once this week is over, but I can't see past the bug gray cloud that is everything I have to do in the next couple of weeks.
Interesting ... sometimes I feel like I did back in high school (when I cared about my grades, because in undergrad I certainly didn't) where I knew that if I applied myself I could do amazingly well, but I was instead happy to resign myself to doing moderately well and remaining a functioning, rational human being. The weird part about law school, however, is that even being able to do moderately well takes a level of dedication and focus that sends me into a topspin.
I know that this insanity feeling is only temporary, but as this year winds down and next fall is already beginning to ramp up (thanks to organizations and journals with which I am striving to be involved, not to mention looking for a job, etc.) it doesn't seem like it will get any better anytime soon.
I think one of the reasons I miss L.A. the way I do is because of how much simpler my life was there. I was focused on completely different things in L.A., i.e. work, my health, friends, spiritual development (which sound cheesey, but involved really me taking time for myself and doing activities that expanded my knowledge and helped me find out more about myself.) Here, I am certianly engaged in an exercise designed solely to make you find out who you are and how you react to varying situations, but it doesn't feel like the kind of positive growth experience that a self-imposed study of such things would bring me.
I am intimidated by odd things. I've never been what you would call a person who is easily intimidated. People impress me constantly, but rarely do they intimidate me. I've met quite a few people over the past year here who intimidate the shit out of me. Brilliant people with capacities for not only learning incredible things, but processing and absorbing them, translating them into their own thoughts and ideas in a way that I can imagine, but have yet to achieve.
That's part of my problem here. I wrote a journal entry about this for one of my classes this semester, outlining my frustration with myself at the fact that I often absorb, but rarely do I ever sit and truly think about abstract concepts in a way that gives me a definite opinion about them or my feelings on them. My professor was "kind" enough to quote the following to me: "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." I think he believes that I have no conviction. That is not the case. I have an immense amount of conviction. The problem comes in that I don't express it. I'm not sure I know how. It is so ingrained in me to sit back, listen, hear what people are saying, and not to respond. I don't know why. I have no idea where in my life I became the sounding board sans the megaphone.
Maybe that's one of the reasons I like being involved in organizations in the capacity that I do. They provide me a definte outlet for ideas, concrete concepts that I can put my hands on and problems that I can fix. Thinking in abstract terms, while it interests me to no end, is not an activity that I have ever actively participated in. I have a friend here who spends most of his time doing just that. I think a balance somewhere in between would be nice.
Where does this leave me? I'm not sure. I have days when I feel very on to of my game and days when I want to curl up and cry. That hasn't happened yet, actually, I'm surprised. After all the stress of last semester and everything that's happened this semester (nothing truly harmful or destructive, just business in an obscene sense), I haven't had a breakdown. Maybe I should. Maybe it would help. I know it sounds silly, but I don't want to do it on my own. It helps to have someone to cry to and so far, there hasn't been a good opportunity to do that with any of my friends here. Not that they wouldn't understand, or be good shoulders for me, it just has to be the right time, the right conversation and the right trigger to get the tears a-flowin'. Something tells me, it should be any day now.
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| Update--o-rama |
[17 Nov 2006|04:30pm] |
So here we is ... a month away from completing my first semester of law school. And my brain has never been fuller. Oh joy.
I have officially read more than I ever have in my life, studied more than ever, spent more time in the library than I care to think about ... and exams haven't even started yet.
And only five semesters left to go. Wow.
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| Natch |
[25 Jan 2006|04:10pm] |
So, I've submitted my applications to law school once again. I know that I said before that I was done with that avenue, but I keep gravitating back to the law, and one way or another I have to use my brain on a day to day basis or I am going to go fucking mad. So now we playthe waiting game, girls and boys, and we see what school is smart enough to let me in. :)
In the meantime I'm exploring L.A. through hiking and other healthy outings. Granola, granola, I know shut up.
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| From the mouths of babes |
[07 Oct 2005|08:41am] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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My friend Michelle relays this story:
My friend Stephanie’s 5 year old wrote a paper entitled “Boyfrinds and Music” in which she said she loved two little boys because they were “pashinite.” When Stephanie asked her daughter if these boys knew that she called them her boyfriends, she replied “No, I don’t care if they know they’re my boyfriends or not.”
Do you think we’ve been going about it the wrong way?
I saw absolutely. I am happily now co-existing with three boyfriends. It's blissful I tell you.
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| Bad boys bad boys .. |
[13 Sep 2005|09:02pm] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
] |
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music |
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Bad Boys Bad Boys Whatcha Gonna Do |
] |
Why am I so obsessed with Cops? The show, that is. I know deep down part of me is fully expecting to see my ex-boyfriend on there, but aside from that, it's like a little slice of life that I get to watch safely from my futon while drinking my microbrew thinking, "I am so fucking happy that is not my life."
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| Home again home again, jiggity jig ... |
[29 Aug 2005|09:49am] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Gavin DeGraw - Change is Gonna Come |
] |
I am heading back to Atlanta this week for a long overdue visit with family and friends. I kind of enjoy the fact that each time I come home my list of friends to see seems to get a tad shorter. It makes for a much less harrowing adventure, truth be told. Mostly this time around I am looking forward to a somewhat sane, not overly-crowded with people or parties kind of thing. And maybe a hot tub. And playing with the doggies. That's basically it. Am I growing up? Jesus, when did that happen?
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| STRESS IS FUN BOYS AND GIRLS |
[29 Jun 2005|02:50pm] |
A little head-achy and stressed out at work right now due to the fact that we have an event coming up in a week and a half for 800 clients and friends, none of whom, apparently, know how to interpret "cocktail/business attire". We now must dedicated precious preparation time to contacting these dumbasses to let them know suits ok, jeans not ok.
Are we intellectually vapid here people or is it just me?? I mean come on.
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| Nope, not dead .... |
[27 Jun 2005|05:41pm] |
Okay, yeah, it's been a million days since my last entry (I feel like a lapsed Catholic). However, my friend here, www.livejournal.com/~slimdragon, has inspired me to get back to this little fun romp sur l'Internet. I find it amusing that I am writing to an audience that does not exist. Laughing at yourself is a very very good thing.
Still in L.A., working at a law firm again (the fashion thing was for the friggin' birds. No, not the pretty ones, but the creepy, oily-feathered, decaying flesh in the beak sort of birds.) I like my job. I hate my commute. It's usually one or the other in this town anyway.
So, maybe I'll say something really astounding and end up in the number one Google spot or some other nonsense. :)~
Or maybe not.
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| Enough is REALLY enough now ... |
[08 Apr 2004|04:45pm] |
All right, I think that some of what Howard Stern says is funny. I also think that some of what Howard Stern says is stupid. And I absolutely believe that his show should not be listened to by everyone.
But guess what folks, I am a concious adult who possesses the wherewithall to CHANGE THE GODDAMN CHANNEL all of my own free will! Thanks for taking that right away from me Mr. FCC!!
I am whole-heartedly on Howard's side on this one. It is a "witch-hunt" as he said and I can unbelieveably see a day coming when I won't be able to read Anais Nin in public and will have to hide my postcard of the statue of David.
Fucking ridiculous. Wake up people (you know who I'm talking to). This is just plain hand-on-a-hot-stove stupid. Stop behaving like dark ages PTA censor-loving Nazis and let me have Howard back.
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| Change is good |
[10 Feb 2004|02:39pm] |
I am officially employed again. I start my new adventure as an executive assistant tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. I'm swithcing from the legal industry to the fashion industry and I can already tell that, if nothing else, the scenery will be more enjoyable. :) There are some hotties in my new work environment!
More updates after the first big day!
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| Conundrum |
[06 Feb 2004|03:21pm] |
I think I don't want to go to law school anymore.
That is all.
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| I am alive, I promise |
[03 Feb 2004|10:23pm] |
To my two readers: ;)
I am now in redondo beach, california and living fat, if not high, on the hog. No job yet. I turned one down this past week and it was for a fuckload of money too. I want something more exciting, though, than supporting thw big cheesies in a clean energy company. I think my staffing firm thinks that I am absolutely shithouse crazy to turn down that job, but so be it. They're not listening to me anyway.
So now I am searching for that ever elusive "dream job" that will solve all of my problems and make me feel useful again.
HA!
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| Why bother? |
[17 Dec 2003|04:32pm] |
It sucks to be the one making this phone call:
"Hey, it's me, just calling to see if we're still on for Friday night ... I mean, we're supposed to go out Friday, that's what we decided Sunday night when I was over at your place ... and we were drinking, so I just wanted to make sure you remembered that we'd made plans. Of course that was before you fell off the bed into your plate glass window and it shattered all over the floor and you hit your head and got really mad ... and then you passed out and I left the next morning while you grunted goodbye ... so, anyway, I'm thinking it'd be a good idea to talk about what we're doing Friday cause I want to make plans for the weekend and if we're still doing something, like we said we would on Sunday, then that's cool, and if not, then ... well, okay .. call me back."
I am the message goddess.
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| Bernard Pivot's Questionnaire |
[08 Dec 2003|01:17pm] |
Thanks to my lovely Keilora for posting her answers first!
This is that questionnaire that James Lipton asks at the end of 'Inside the Actor's Studio'....created by Bernard Pivot for a French series, 'Bouillon de Culture'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. What is your favorite word?
Passion - living without passion is the same as not living at all
2. What is your least favorite word?
Can't - there's no such thing
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Honesty
4. What turns you off?
Easy one here - deception
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Actually, it's a phrase ... "Oh for fuck's sake!"
6. What sound or noise do you love?
My family laughing
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Someone I love in pain
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I'd love to be a singer
9. What profession would you not like to do?
Social work - I couldn't stand that much torment
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
All right, sweetie, let's see what you learned this time around ... and where would you like to go next?
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[08 Dec 2003|01:06pm] |
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| LIFE! Whether You're Ready or Not!! |
[26 Nov 2003|11:25am] |
I submitted my application to UCLA yesterday. I completed the online portion, paid my application fee and sent my personal statement and resume off in the mail. I'm glad it's over and done with.
And now all I have to do is wait ...
... and wait ...
... and wait ...
... and wait ...
... and wait ...
until MAY to find out if I got in.
That's five months for those of you keeping track at home.
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